The sweet clever talks of Radhika, which had engulfed the earth in a nectarean wave of happiness, now turned into a wave of poison. The fragrant sandalwood pulp rubbed on Her body transformed into blazing coals. The kajala decorating Her eyes turned into contaminated water. The strands of Her pearl necklace lolled about like a snake. The betel nut packets, which give a pleasing taste to the mouth, seemed like leaves from a poison vine. The necklaces, belts and other artistically fashioned accouterments on Her body resembled crooked piles of sharp poison. Her voice choked up and Her warm tears smeared Her kajala into a black line dripping down Her breasts. Kṛṣṇa’s teasing broke Radhika’s heart. The pain was so sharp that She felt She was being sawed in half.
Then Radha spoke loudly, “O Lord! O giver of pleasure! O ocean of love! Where are you? O beloved! Please be visible to Me! Though I know You are here, I cannot see You. Because of this My life is full of suffering. Hoping to attain You again, I cannot give up My life, yet out of separation, I cannot maintain my life. The pain of separation is getting stronger and about to cut the shackles of hope maintaining My life. Please give up Your anger, and appear before My eyes so that My life air does not leave My body.”
[In solitude, Radhika carried on the following imaginary conversation with Kṛṣṇa.]
Radha: “Kṛṣṇa, if You say, ‘What does it matter to Me if You give up Your life?’ Then I reply that You cannot say that, for You have great love for Me and cannot bear My separation. If You do not appear, then You will have to carry My dead body through the forests while weeping. This is the truth.”
Kṛṣṇa: “I disappeared because of Your proud words, therefore, I am not at fault.”
Radha: “Neither am I at fault in this matter. You are angry because of My pride, but I did not speak out of pride. I spoke so that My friends could catch up to us, not out of pride.”
Kṛṣṇa: “I disapprove such actions and cannot bear them.”
Radha: “O Lord! Show your moonlike face, so that the pitiful state of Your beloved will not be seen when My friends arrive at this spot. They will die if they see Me in this state. Do not kill them. Show Yourself as before, so that they do not condemn Your love. I cannot see any way that You will be able to answer their criticism.”
Kṛṣṇa: “I left You, just as I left them. The same action will not yield different results. I have equally rejected both You and them.”
Radha: “Why have You acted so boldly, leaving Me alone in the forest? Leaving them only produces misery, but leaving Me alone will kill Me. They do not experience such misery because they are together, but I am all alone. They remain alive by comforting each other with sweet words.”
Kṛṣṇa: “Why do You want to give up Your body, the abode of beauty and sweetness?”
Radha: “Cursed is the night, without the moonlight. Cursed are the lotuses, without the sun. Unfortunate is a person ignored by the lord of Her life. The qualities You mentioned (beauty and sweetness) only display their perfection when enjoyed by the lover.”
Taking the form of a snake, the pain of separation from Kṛṣṇa entered the cave of Radha’s soft, sweet heart and bit that faultless person. Radha’s heart pained like the sky afflicted by the scorching summer sun. The agony in Her body surged way beyond the breaking point. Her consciousness rapidly faded as She tried desperately to understand Kṛṣṇa’s intentions, As the tenth stage of ecstasy approached, Radhika succumbed to extreme fainting fits, appearing like untimely visits of friends.
Out of shame and fear caused by Her love for Kṛṣṇa, lotus-eyed Radha restrained Her breathing and allowed only a little air to enter. Like a wilted lotus stalk, Her body fell on the sandy earth. People will criticize if one remains alive after being rejected by a lover. Radha’s love found perfection in thinking only of Kṛṣṇa’s happiness. If She died, He would lament. So to prevent that She kept breathing.
Then all the creepers of Vrndavana blew their sweet flower fragrances upon Her. Swarms of bees fanned Her with vibrating wings. Birds cried and the deer wept as they roamed about anxiously. In this way the forest dwellers served Radha’s mood. Radha’s shadow was a bed of lotus petals and the moonlight was a balm of sandalwood paste. Her lotus stem arms protected Her sides, and Her swoon was a best friend skilled at removing the pangs of sorrow.
(An excerpt from the book Ananda Vrndavana Campu by Mahanidhi Swami)
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